First and foremost, I think you need to be attracted to your partner. Considering that 50% of all marriages fail, and one of the leading factors is one partner straying from the relationship for intimacy elsewhere, being attracted to your wife or husband better be there. I’m pretty sure this factor is something that most marriages have, at least in the beginning.

One factor that I don’t think a lot of marriages have is mutual respect for their partners. I have witnessed husbands say things to their wives, or wives do things in front of their husbands that would absolutely never happen in my marriage. That’s not to say that my marriage is immune to this kind of stuff, only that since both my wife and I have respect for each other and understand each other, there are certain boundaries that we would never cross.

 Truly enjoying each other’s company is another important ingredient to a happy marriage in my opinion. Most of the time I would much rather spend time with my wife than any other person on the planet, and I think she usually feels the same way about me. This ensures that even if it’s night after night of watching television (which we do a lot of in the winter as we are not winter people) we still enjoy our time together.

Being able to communicate effectively is a big one that is to me an absolute must in a happy marriage. I don’t mean being able to tell your wife where you’re going with the boys on Friday night or your wife telling you that you stink and to go have a shower. I’m talking about real issues, issues that come up in a marriage that if not worked out by good communication, can easily lead to divorce.

If you’re married to someone long enough, it is inevitable that there are times when your relationship will feel like it’s in a rut. In these times it is important to realize that your marriage will not be full of smiles and laughter and great sex every day. It’s not always going to be peaks. Sometimes you hit a valley. Work through these rough patches. If you have all of the building blocks of a strong marriage then you’ll weather these storms with ease.

Remember that anything worth having takes work. Don’t expect your marriage to run itself. Both partners always have to be willing to be flexible and work at their part of the relationship. If both of you always keep these things in mind, you will be destined to have a happy marriage for “as long as you both shall live”.

Be Happy    J

All done? Good. Now hopefully you went all out and your list included things such as taking a nice hot shower, enjoying a bowl of soup after being out in the cold, watching your favourite TV program with no interruptions, etc. Notice that the things on your happy list can be very minor indeed.

Now here comes the really important part. Your job is to make sure that every day you are incorporating some of these things into your life. The nice thing is that no matter how busy your life may be, there is always a way to squeeze a couple of things in there that will make you happy every day.

Many people ask me if being happy is really this simple. I always answer by saying, “yes, for some people it can be.” Just think for a moment what your day to day routine would be like if every hour or two you were doing something that made you happy that was by choice. A lot of you may already do this and not even realize it. Doing this may be the undiscovered secret of your generally happy demeanour.

Some of the examples I gave above can easily contribute to a happier you. If you can’t watch your favourite TV program live, then record it and watch it after the kids are in bed with a cold beer or nice glass of wine. The next time you’re in the shower, truly enjoy the feeling of getting clean, the feeling of the hot water cascading over you, the feeling of the heat and steam washing away the aches and pains of the day. There is always a way to feel happy and satisfied.

The next time life feels a little hectic and you feel like you never get any time to do what you want, consult your happy list and get to work. Finding out the little things that make you happy might be the biggest little thing you can do for yourself.

Be Happy J

This should not be too surprising if you know anyone who does a lot of charitable work. These people tend to be repeatedly described by people that know them as “…one of the happiest people I know”.

So what can you do to make someone happy every day? There is an unlimited amount of ways to make someone else happy. I’ll use myself as an example. I spend most of my days working from home, whereas my wife goes to work. She obviously has less time to get things accomplished around the house than I do. Therefore I usually try and pick something different every day to do that I know will put a smile on her face when she walks in the door after her day at the office.

These acts of kindness don’t have to be large either. Simply doing a chore around the house that you don’t normally do can make someone happy. If you’re a teenage son or daughter living at home, this will go over especially well with your mom. Husbands score points for doing this also.

What if you’re a wife and you want to do something out of the ordinary to make your husband happy? Besides the obvious things that everyone is thinking right now, maybe you could buy a six pack of his favourite beer and rent an action movie for the both of you to watch together. Believe me, husbands love it when their wives are willing to embrace a good action movie with them now and again.

Sometimes doing something nice for a stranger is even more gratifying than doing something for a loved one. It really helps you connect with humanity to know you did something out of love for another human being simply because they were in need and you could provide for them. Whether it be doing something charitable through an organization, or perhaps just mowing your neighbor’s lawn or shovelling her driveway because you know she has a hard time with these things, anything will be appreciated.

So remember, the next time you’re looking for a way to feel good, don’t overlook some small way you can brighten someone else’s day. If you try and develop the habit to make someone happy every day, I can guarantee you that you’ll be happier too.

Be Happy J

One of the most interesting studies involved one particular question that gives a lot of insight as to how people feel about those around them. The participants were asked to evaluate two hypothetical situations and which one they would prefer. Would they rather be paid $50,000/yr. when everyone else around them are being paid $25,000/yr., or would they rather make $100,000/yr. when everyone else is making $200,000/yr.

Amazingly, the majority of the participants chose the first one. They would rather make less money as long as those around them are making even less than they are. This led scientists to discover that our happiness levels are closely tied to how we compare ourselves with others around us. Not a great quality to have when you figure that we really have no control over the people around us, which means we are letting their successes and failures affect our happiness.

Even if our income rises, our happiness levels do not because we will now compare ourselves to people around us who make around the same. Case in point, the United States is the richest country in the world, yet the citizens are no more or less happy than the people who reside in much poorer countries. This is because we don’t compare ourselves to the people of other countries, we compare ourselves to those directly around us.

Actually, a good habit to get into is to start comparing yourself down. What I mean by this is to compare yourself to people less fortunate than yourself. Seeing what you have that others don’t will make you feel happier about your situation. When a mother says to her greedy child to think about the kids in third world countries who don’t have any toys on Christmas morning, she is teaching that child to be happy with what he or she has instead of what he or she could have.

Another interesting study of medal winners in the Olympics showed that bronze medal winners were happier than silver medalists. This is because they would compare themselves to all the other athletes that didn’t have a medal and feel fortunate, whereas silver medalists would compare themselves to the gold medal winners and feel discouraged that they hadn’t won the gold. This is more proof that comparing down and feeling good about what you do have makes a difference to your happiness levels.

I think the main message to take away from these studies is that when it comes to what makes people happy, it’s better to not compare yourself to others and instead to have your own internal yardstick as to what makes you feel happy. Of course, if you have to compare yourself to others, the best choice is to compare down and feel grateful for what you do have, not unhappy for what you don’t.

Be Happy.   J

People do lead busy lives, that’s for sure. In this economy, more and more people are having to get a 2^nd job or expand the amount of time they spend at their one job, just to keep their heads above water. And yet still these people say they are happy, but don’t have time to really do any of the things that they think are what makes them happy.

So what is happening here? Is it that people are happy with the jobs they have? Is it that they don’t realize that secretly all of the chores and running around they do to keep their lives running smoothly is what makes them happy? I don’t think that’s it, and I don’t think many people reading this think that’s it either.

What I think is happening is that there are lots of little things that make people happy every day that they don’t even notice they do. They simply take for granted all of the daily things that make them happy. It’s very easy to identify the bigger things that make us happy, like vacations, shopping, working at a fulfilling job, getting together with family, etc. It’s also very easy to notice how often these activities don’t happen in our lives.

What’s a lot more difficult to notice is the little things that we enjoy every day. These can be things like taking a hot shower in the morning, enjoying that first cup of coffee, having a speedy drive to work with little traffic, enjoying your favorite meal at dinner, or having a beer and watching a movie with your loved ones after a hard day at work. These things and hundreds of things like them happen so often that we take them for granted, and yet these are the exact activities that keep us happy from day to day.

Imagine if only the bigger things in life are what made us happy. Can you even think what it would be like if you took one vacation a year like most people, and that was one of your happiness prerequisites? You would go to Mexico in March, come back a couple of weeks later, and then that’s it until next March. Now you have to find something else to make you happy until next March, or somehow find a way to hang onto the happiness you experienced when you were on vacation. Pretty hard, huh?

It’s the little everyday things that fill in the gaps between the big things. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the little things are even more important than the bigger things for making us happy. The everyday happiness is what sustains us, is what allows us to make it through every day without getting depressed and thinking that our lives are miserable. If we were to eliminate all of the little things that make us happy in one day, can you imagine how that would be? I think the amount of people of anti-depression medication would skyrocket.

I’ve said this before and I’ll keep saying it. Everyone should make a list of all of the things that make them happy, except this time, make sure you count all of the little things that make you smile or satisfy you on a daily basis. Instead of having a list of a few things that you will try and work into your life, you will see that you already have tons of little things that already make you happy every day.

When you take notice of these daily doses of happiness you can tap into the feeling even more and make sure that you don’t take them for granted. Doing this will increase your happiness levels and make every day seem even more joyful than it was before this exercise.

As usual, let me know how it works for you.

Be Happy. J

The happy life you’ve always dreamed of is eluding still you. The thing of it is, the thought of all of the things you might have to change in order to be happy seems daunting, a mountain to climb, nay I say impossible. You want a better job, you want to make more money, you want to lose some weight, you always seem rushed, you never have enough time to just relax and enjoy a simple meal, etc., etc. This probably sounds like most people at this point.

You’re right, when you list everything like that, it does seem like an impossible task to find true happiness. So many things to do, so many changes to make. How am I ever going to be happy, you think. Well, what if you tackled becoming happier in lots of little chunks. Baby steps if you will. You probably do this at work all of the time. The boss hands you a project and the first thing you do is figure out all of the components that make up the project, and how you’re going to deal with each one. You may even do this when you’re doing housework or yardwork. Break the whole thing into smaller jobs and it doesn’t seem as monumentous a task. I call it my “Baby Steps to Happiness” system for living a happy life.

A typical baby steps to happiness system might look something like this:

Week 1

Make a list of things that make you happy. They can be as simple as “watching a TV show I enjoy” to more complex things like “getting together with the whole family for holidays”.

Week 2

Now that you have your list, concentrate on doing at least one thing every day this week that makes you happy. That’s all.

Week 3

Try your hardest to not think about what you are going to be doing later that day. For example, when you are driving home from work, try not to think about all of the things that you want to get accomplished that night.

Week 4

Now that you’re not spending as much time thinking about the future, start to really live in the moment. When you’re taking a shower, enjoy the process instead of thinking of other things. Enjoy your dinner rather than think about what you’re going to be doing after dinner.

I think you get the idea. Can you imagine how powerful this technique can be when extrapolated over the course of an entire year? Fifty-two little changes toward building a happier life. Fifty-two things is a lot. Now imagine 10 years? A lifetime? Hopefully it won’t take you a lifetime to reach the level of happiness you’re looking for, but living a happy life is a goal that is always worth striving for and improving.

The thing about the baby step idea is that it doesn’t take long for these little things to start making a difference. It seems that as soon as people start paying attention to what makes them happy (the list) they start trying to find the time to do more of them. Some people say that step 1 is all that is needed to change the way they feel about their lives.

Let’s assume you are not one of these people. Let’s say you figure you’ve got a good years worth of changes before you’ll be happy enough to declare the system a success. Does a year seem like a long time? When you think of a year, think of what you were doing a year ago. Does that vacation you took last year seem like it was lifetimes ago? Does it amaze you to think that you moved to your new house only a year ago? How about your kids? Can you believe that another year has passed and your oldest is going into high school?

Time flies when you’re having fun, as the saying goes. Life simply whizzes by. A year can go by in the blink of an eye. The reason I’m trying to get you to recognize this is that if a year goes by so quickly and you’re doing something new each week to make yourself happier, it will seem like a month or two when you realize the year is up and you’ve made significant strides to becoming a happier person.

Of course, you can apply the baby steps concept to anything in your life that you want to change. If you want a better job, break the steps to getting one down and concentrate on one new step each week. You’ll be amazed how fast you have that new job. A home improvement project, finishing a night school course, going through labour, anything can be broken down into baby steps. And believe me, the system works.

Try the baby steps to happiness system for living a happy life and let me know how it works out for you.

Be Happy  

I used to know exactly how you feel. Both my wife and I felt that way. The funny thing is, it wasn’t the job we hated, but the environment at our place of employment. It was so negative. The people there were always in a foul mood, they were never willing to help others, it was all about getting through the day. There was one guy there who used to rate his mood based on how close to Friday it was.

So one day my wife and I decided to make a career change, and that career change changed our lives. In fact, after we started to talking about changing jobs, we looked at the rest of our life as well. We realized that we weren’t happy with where we lived, what we did with our time, the people we had in our lives, all of it made us miserable. So we sold our house, quit our jobs, and moved 2 hours west to a town of 35,000 people from a city of 350,000.

Now what we did was take a pretty big risk, but we were at the point where things had to change quickly or we knew that our relationship would suffer. We were already taking our unhappiness out on other people we loved, so we knew we had to do something.

We made this monumental change in April of 2008. It’s been well over a year now, and almost every week one of us mentions how much we love our new life, our house, our town, basically everything about our change. Don’t get me wrong, we have our ups and downs like everyone. But when we sit and evaluate whether the change we made was worth it, the answer is always a very loud most definitely. Although we earn less money that we used to, our happiness levels have increased for sure.

I always considered myself a pretty stress-free, happy-go-lucky guy, even in my old life. I strived to not take life too seriously, to not let my job become all consuming, and to make sure I did things every day that made me happy. It was amazing to me how much stress I did have, and how doing a job I didn’t like really affected other parts of my life.

Every day I realize more and more how short life really is. I’m sure you have those conversations that eventually lead someone to say “Has it really been that long? Man time flies.” Well, I’m here to tell you it doesn’t slow down. I’m 42, and I want the second half of my life to go down a different path that the first half. I want the next 30+ years to be filled with experiences that make me laugh and build memories that make me happy every time I think of them or better yet, look at the pictures.

Wanting to change careers was the launching pad to a life change that has made a huge difference in both my life and the lives of my loved ones. Just the other day my brother commented on how it seems I don’t get bothered as much as I used to when things don’t go according to plan. He also says he noticed that I like to spend time with the family more than I used to, especially on holiday weekends. I told him that weekends used to be the only time I could really do things I enjoyed and it seemed that sometimes they were the only times that I was truly happy. Now I’m happy every day, and I make sure I do things every day that make me happy, so giving up a few weekends a year that are earmarked for family get-togethers doesn’t upset me.

If you are unhappy, I urge you to make some changes now, before it is too late. Life comes at us fast, and we only get one trip to the buffet. Eat like there’s no tomorrow. Fill that whole plate with lobster if that’s what you like. Don’t wait until the second plate…what if it never comes?

Be Happy.   

This is a very popular sentiment that many people quote in life. What they mean is that we should never forget to enjoy life as we go along. Although, the meaning it has taken on in modern times is a little different. For most people this saying now equates to, “during your life, as you spend most of your time working, taking care of your kids, doing housework and every other manner of chores, every now and again try and fit something into your life that brings you happiness.” I feel that this meaning is closer to the way people interpret this saying in today’s hectic world. Unfortunately this interpretation sets people up to believe that being happy is something they must fit into their life between all of the other stuff.

Well, I’m here to tell you that that is not the case. Actually, it is the exact opposite.

The challenge is to find ways to make being happy a natural part of your life so that it seamlessly blends into your everyday actions. This guarantees that you won’t have to go out of your way to be happy, or do your best to steal some time for your own happiness from the time dedicated for your other “responsibilities”.

What I’m suggesting is to approach life in such a way as to make everyday actions pleasurable and fun, so that you are often doing things that make you happy, at the very least daily, if not many times a day.

“OK”, you’re saying, “how am I going to manage to make my everyday life fun? Do you even know what I have to do in a day? I have to get up by 6:30 am, get the kids up, get them ready for school, feed the dog, have breakfast, somehow get the kids to eat, truck them off to school, fight traffic to get to work on time, deal with a demanding boss and sometimes back-stabbing employees, if I’m lucky steal 15 minutes to scarf down some food for lunch, more demanding boss and bitchy employees, more nasty commuting to get to the babysitters, pick up the kids, go home, make dinner, help the kids with their homework, get them bathed/showered, put them to bed, make lunches for the next day, tidy the kitchen from dinner, put out the garbage, look at that report my boss wants by 9:00 am tomorrow, and then maybe, just maybe, when I’m done all of this, I might find just a smidgeon of energy left to enjoy a TV show, or read a little, or, oh my God, take a relaxing bath, and then finally crawl into bed, ready to do the whole crazy charade all over again tomorrow. Where is there time for true happiness and fun?”

Well, I think there was time for happiness and fun and playfulness in almost everything you did that day, it just depends on whether you’re willing to look for it. Let’s tackle just a few of things that were mentioned earlier. If you’re going to get up at 6:30 am, then you might as well help make the beginning of your day set the tone for a great day. Why not set your alarm to play music instead of that harsh beeping that always makes you groan in horror when you hear it. It may take a little getting used to in the beginning, but you’ll be amazed at how your mood will be much lighter and more positive after spending the first couple of minutes of your day listening to music that “gets your blood pumping”.

As you’re getting the kids ready for school, why not talk a bit about what you’re going to be doing that evening together, or plan a fun meal that you can all prepare together, or a movie you’re going to watch on DVD, etc. Rather than just going through your “getting ready” routine silently (or perhaps grumbling about it), instead focus on looking forward to things to come.

Driving to work can be made more fun if you listen to some of your favourite music, listen to a book on disc, or use a voice recorder to record some thoughts about upcoming events, birthdays, trips, dinner parties, whatever gets your mind off of the traffic and onto more happy things.

Helping the kids with their homework can not only allow you the opportunity to bond more with your kids, but to really get a look into the type of things they are learning, where their head is at, what their strengths and weaknesses are, etc. Instead of approaching it as a chore, look at it as a chance to learn more about your kids lives and an opportunity to spend meaningful time together.

After dinner, when you do have some “free time” for yourself, make sure you use this time to its utmost and really pamper yourself. Enjoy a decadent dessert and really savour it as you eat it. If you’re going to have a bubble bath, pour in a lot of soap to get a lot of bubbles going, and light candles and play music to set the mood. If watching a little TV is your thing, get into your comfy clothes, get a nice beverage of your choice, a blanket or two, a pillow or three, and really make that hour an experience to relish, not just a quick hour of television at the end of another hard day.

I think you have an idea of where I’m going with this. Being more happy comes down to how you approach things in life, not what you have or don’t have. Study after study has shown that once someone has the basic necessities of life (food, shelter and love), money makes virtually no difference to their happiness levels. You could make $50,000 a year or $5,000,000 a year, it really doesn’t matter. In fact, more and more studies are starting to crop up suggesting that the person with the $5,000,000 has even more stress than the person with the $50,000. They are constantly fighting off charities, greedy relatives, scam artists, and at the same time worrying about whether they are spending their money in the best possible manner.

So, if money doesn’t make people happier (as we were all led to believe when we were younger), what does? Attitudes and experiences, that’s what.

Someone with a positive outlook on life and a willingness to turn everyday moments into deep pleasurable experiences is much more happy than someone who looks at life as nothing but a bunch of stuff to get through. I mean, think about it for a second. If you’re just spending every day trying to get through all of the stuff life throws at you, in hopes that every now and again you may stumble across something that brings a ray of happiness into your life, then what are you really living for?

Do you remember back when you were a teenager? Remember the kinds of things you looked forward to being able to do when you “grew up”? You couldn’t wait until you could stay up as late as you wanted on a school night, eat Oreos and Coca-Cola for dinner (which I’ve done btw), get into “R” rated movies, have sex somewhere other than the back seat of your parent’s car, etc. What happened to that optimistic teenager that looked forward to adulthood as a time to make all your own choices and get the opportunity to enjoy your life the way you wanted?

Well, for one, we gain responsibilities. Isn’t it interesting that as a kid we can’t wait to grow up and make our own decisions, and yet when we do finally get to adulthood, all we can say is how much our responsibilities stress us out.

Between the time we were a kid and the time we became an adult, we forgot the benefits of being an adult. Or, more accurately, we let the “responsibilities” of being an adult overshadow all of the “perks”. Are you one of the people who forgot that when you were young that those “perks” were some of the things that you looked forward to doing when you got older? I’m just trying to show you that there are lots of great things in your life right now, and you only have to look at the choices you have every day to see them and be happy.

What about laughter? Do you laugh a lot? I’m willing to bet that you don’t laugh near as much as you used to when you were younger. I recently read about a disturbing study that found that toddlers laugh on average 100 times more than adults do in a day. 100 more times! What do we do to ourselves as we grow up that so limits our laughter?

Too often we focus on the things we have to get accomplished each day; going to work, chores around the house, etc., instead of focusing on the time in between these things that allow us to do whatever we want to. In fact, one could say that even having the choice to do the chores we have is good, because there are lots of people in the world that don’t even have that. They don’t have to clean up after dinner, because they rarely have anything to eat. They don’t have to go to work every day, because they don’t have a job, and as a result no money to do anything fun. They don’t have to clean their house because they don’t have a home; instead they live on the street.

Too many people take for granted all of the great things they have in their lives right now, and by doing so, miss out on tons of opportunities to greatly increase their happiness levels and have a more positive outlook.

But hey, back to the roses. I’m sure that if you were to take stock of all of the things you do in an average day, you could find at least one thing that you could have a different attitude about – one thing that you could approach from a different perspective and perhaps make it more pleasurable. That’s all you need to do. Just pick one thing. Just one! But, when you pick that one thing (however small), really try and find a completely new way of dealing with it. Really make the effort to turn that “chore” into an “experience”, something that you may even look forward to as time goes on.

Of course, if you can do it once, you can do it twice. If you can do it twice, you can do it a few more times. Next thing you know, you’re on your way to transforming lots of things in your life into moments of pleasure and joy. One day you’ll look around and realize you smell the roses every day, sometimes multiple times a day, and the “chores” have diminished to just a couple.

Here’s a few of the things in my life that bring me pleasure. Most of these you probably do also, but I’ll bet you don’t extract the same joy from them that I do. Test yourself. See how many things on the list below you count as “pleasurable”.

§ Really enjoying a nice hot shower, whether it’s in the morning to energize myself for the day, or at the end of the day to wash away the stress

§ Losing myself in a great book to the point that everything around me doesn’t matter

§ Enjoying the warmth of a mouthful of a Crown Royale and Diet Pepsi coursing down my throat

§ Learning something new about animals, psychology, human behavior, etc.

§ Watching one of my favourite TV shows with a drink and a snack, and not answering the phone or doing laundry or anything else while it’s on

§ Watching a hawk sit on a tree branch and scan the fields below for a meal

§ Watching the wild rabbits in my backyard scamper around eating fresh shoots of grass

§ Driving my car on a sunny spring day with the windows down and the music turned up, singing to one of my favourite tunes

§ Staying up late with my kids on the weekend watching a movie together or playing a really cool video game

§ Enjoying my skill on the BBQ

§ Opening the blinds on the windows during a sunny spring day and just enjoying the sunshine as it streams in

§ Hiking through the woods, discovering new animals, plants, etc.

I could go on and on. I actually had to cut down this list as I wrote this article, realizing that you probably did not want to read all of the things that make me happy. I challenge you to create your own list. Even if some of the things you don’t do that often, it will be a wakeup call to start doing them more – at least making the list will help you realize the things that do make you happy.

And remember, I’m not talking about gaining material things, or “if/then” scenarios. You know, “if I get that promotion, then I’ll be happy”, “if I lose weight, then I’ll be happy”, “if I make $60,000 per year at my next job, then I’ll be happy.” I’m talking about the little things you already have in your life; the things that, if you really take the time to appreciate them, will enrich your life far more than material things ever could.

Remember, roses grow in the most unexpected places. The challenge is to realize they are there in the first place, and then, whatever else you do, MAKE SURE YOU SMELL THEM!

Be Happy. J

During a recent holiday we got to talking about what makes people happy and age and about how quickly life flies by.

As we both get older, we start to realize more and more how important it is to do the things you want in life when you get the opportunities. If you’re constantly letting chances to experience new things slip by, pretty soon you’ll be too old to do some of them, and then you’ll be full of regrets.

Don’t get me wrong, I make choices not to do certain things all of the time, but lately I stop and think about the opportunity I’m letting go and am I going to regret it later in life. If I think I am, I try to make the necessary arrangements to make it happen.

No-one that I’ve ever heard of lays on their deathbed complaining of all of the missed opportunities to spend a little more time at the office. What they do regret is not spending more time with family and friends, not going on that dream vacation because they wanted to save the money, or not making a go of a new career because they were afraid to fail. They regret not spending more time trying to figure out how to find happiness.

Don’t let life slip by and just be content with what you’ve got going on.

Push the envelope, go against the grain, live life on the edge, and all that stuff.   

When you get to the end of the ride (and believe me, everyone gets to the end eventually) you’ll have less regrets and be able to look back and say you had a happy fulfilling ride.

And isn’t that what finding happiness is all about?

Be Happy.

He said I’d be happy to know that he had finally seen the light and was spending less time at the office and more time with his family and friends. I was pleased that my incessant nagging had made a difference in his life. He agreed.

He then went on to tell me about a co-worker who was like he used to be, constantly putting in extra unpaid hours and missing out on time with his young kids and wife. My brother asked him what his definition of happiness was and what did he feel were the most important things in his life. This employee went on to say that without a doubt spending time with his family was the number one thing he liked to do.

“Then why do you work so much?” my brother asked him.

This story is what prompted this post. I’ve met lots of people that say one thing and do another when it comes to finding true happiness. Hell, I used to be one of them. Like my brother’s co-worker, so many young people think there will always be time for the things they want to do, so they instead concentrate their time on work. Gotta make the bucks!

Saying that what makes people happy in life is spending time with family and then turning around and instead spending most of the time working is being a hypocrite at best. Actions speak louder than words. This is not just a saying, it is an absolute fact. I’ve witnessed this fact at work in my own life many times. My wife is my best barometer when I start falling into this trap. She is very good at pointing out when I state one thing but do another, and I love her for it. She has helped me many a time make course corrections and steer me onto a better path.

It’s empowering to think that your own actions have the ability to make you happy. Just by realizing that happiness is a choice, we can choose a path that will lead us to happiness and satisfaction, or one that will lead to unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

An author by the name of John Izzo wrote a fantastic book entitled “The five things you must discover before you die”. In this book he publishes many interviews he did with people nearing the end of their lives and whether they had any regrets. Almost all of them said that they never once regretted not spending more time at the office, but many regretted letting their career get in the way of spending more time with friends and family.

I urge you to take the time to examine your beliefs about what your own personal definition of happiness is and compare it to how you spend the bulk of your time. Make a list of all of the things you enjoy doing and then how much time each week you spend doing them. I think you’ll find the exercise enlightening. I know I did. Go out there and find true happiness.

As always, let me know how this works for you.

Be Happy.   J